Coaching & Sports


April 1, 2002,
Vol. 4, No.7

Conference/Workshop Calendar



 Editorial

Keeping a Stiff Upper Lip:
Emotion and Sport

Robert W. McGowan

For decades adults have heard "the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat".  With the emphasis on "success" and every person participating it may be that children are not learning about the agony of "losing".  .. .are not learning the lessons of coping  with less-than-success.  It seems that we make every effort so our children do not fail, suffer the indignities of losing, or hurt associated with attacks on self-confidence or self-identity.  The question begs, "if children don't fail how will they cope with less-than-success in their future"?  We all know that "real-life" is not filled with successes.  We have all heard well-wish ers consoling "losing is all apart of the game".  If losing is part of game or competing then how do we incorporate "losing" into the curriculum, into the competitive experience?

How should parents and coaches help children cope following "losses/defeats"?

  1. blame the weather conditions.
  2. blame the referee for not calling infractions.
  3. blame the unfair play of competitors.
  4. blame it on lack of skill
  5. blame it on lack of talent
  6. blame it on lack o f strength or endurance
  7. blame it on "God" or Karma
  8. All or any of the above
  9. None of the above
  10. Don't know/ don't care 

The latest research indicates only how individuals cope with losses, not which is the "best".  It is clear, however, that Americans tend to assume personal responsibility for both successes and for losses.  In fact, research indicates that American children may feel better about losses or defeats if they think that they had some control over the reasons for the defeat or loss.  These children may benefit from a discussion of factors that  they have control over that may have influenced the outcome, i.e., endurance, strength, or skill.  If followed by a discussion focusing on what they might do to influence these factors children may indeed "learn" to approach failure or defeat in a positive active style rather than adopting a style of learned helplessness which is a precursor of frustration, anger, and depression.

Children of other cultures may cope differently.  For example, West-African children ha ve indicated that a spiritual influence may influence outcome.  Several American athletes have also adapted this way of coping with loss.  

Whatever the mode, it seems that we should include "coping with loss" strategies in our PE curriculums and our sport programs.



Robert McGowan
Coaching Section Editor





 Featured Websites

National Alliance For Youth Sports

Feeling Good About Your self

Perfectly Human: How Do You Deal With Failure?

 




 Coaching Article

Helping Athletes Deal with Setbacks
Dr. Patrick J. Choen

One of the major challenges for a coach in any sport is helping athletes maintain confidence and composure after mistakes or setbacks. This month is coaching tip month, but this article also applies to athletes as well.

In football for example, fumbles, interceptions, missed blocks, dropped passes, and missed tackles are very frustrating events for both coaches and athletes. Emotions can run high. A coaches' immediate reaction after an error is to be disappointed and/or tell the player how to prevent the mistake from happening in the future. From my perspective, you first need to be in control of yourself before you can help the player gain control and regain his composure. Here are a few tips for helping your athletes play on with confidence and composure immediately following a mistake.

Peak Performance Sports
Dr. Patrick J. Cohn
All Rights Reserved.



 NCACE

The National Council for Accredidation of Coaching Education (NCACE), will host the 2002 National Coaching Conference in Colorado Springs, Colorado, June 13th-15th, 2002. The theme of this year's conference will be "Coaches Count: Meet the Challenges of the 21st Century". For more information, please contact the NCACE office (800-213-7193, extension 417).






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 Featured Article

Helping Children Cope with Failure
National Network for Child Care's 
Connections Newsletter

Christine M. Todd, Ph.D.
Child Development Specialist
Human Development and Family Studies
University of Illinois Cooperative Extension
Copyright/Access Information


As I was testing bread recipes in preparation for writing an article on cooking activities with children, I made several mistakes. First, I tri ed using a bread dough recipe with honey in it. The result was a sticky mess that I could hardly knead. Frozen bread dough worked much better. I'm sure a traditional bread dough without the honey would also have been easier to manage.

Next, I tried rolling the dough into little balls to put on a cookie sheet. I thought bite-size pieces might be fun! I soon discovered, however, that it was hard to roll bread d ough into balls. So I made breadstick shapes instead. My next mistake was to burn the bread sticks. Obviously breadsticks cook faster than loaves of bread. But I had forgotten to reduce the cooking time enough for the first batch.

As I was sitting there, happy to have tried things out before writing the article, I suddenly had a disturbing thought. What exactly do we teach children by providing t hem with activities that never fail? Would all my hard work leave them with the impression that adults never fail? Or, that an activity has only one goal - to make a perfect product? Or, that we should always try to avoid mistakes?

With this thought, I realized that in my attempt to provide well-planned activities, I was actually keeping children from a valuable learning experience - making a mis take. Mistakes are not inherently bad. Everyone has heard the example of Mr. Goodyear who tried to make rubber hundreds of times before he got it right. If Mr. Goodyear had let failure stop him, we might all be riding around in cars with metal wheels!

Similarly, research has shown that the children who are good in math are also those who tend to make more mistakes. These children are not stopped by failure. Rather, they continue to explore the problem and search for new solutions. Eventually, they are successful. As a math teacher once told a group of parents gathered to learn how to help their children, "No one ever learned anything by being right!"

One of our jobs as caregivers should be to help children distinguish between mistakes that are "ok" and those that are not. Acceptable mistakes are those that arise through experimentation and creativity, those that result from conditions beyond our control, or those arising from lack of knowledge. One of the most exciting times I had with my youngest son was when his third grade teacher encouraged him to "make up" recipes. I had my doubts when the recipe included 1 cup of salt, 1/2 cup of peanut butter, and 3 cups of flour. But we tried it anyway. It was pretty awful. We made faces as the salty taste hit us. Next, he decided to reduce the amount of the salt and increase the amount of peanut butter. That batch was decidedly better. We kept changing the proportions and adding new ingredients until we had developed a fairly decent peanut butter cookie. And the smile on his face when he had achieved this goal was wonderful!

Of cour se, children do have to learn to avoid mistakes under some conditions. When the outcome is very important, it is better to be careful. I wouldn't like to fly on an airplane whose pilot took a rather relaxed view of making mistakes during landings. And I definitely don't want my surgeon to make a mistake if he can help it! I also have little tolerance of individuals who routinely make mistakes out of laziness or carelessness. Somet imes, it is important not to make a mistake.

But most of the time mistakes are a fairly routine part of life. When children make mistakes we need to help them cope effectively. As children become more product-oriented around eight or nine years, they begin to develop the mental ability to evaluate their products against a standard. They may become very critical of their mistakes.

We can help children learn to have a more relaxed attitude about mistakes by:
  • Laughing at ourselves when we make mistakes;
  • Providing enough materials and supplies so children always feel they can start over if they make a mistake;
  • Reacting calmly when mistakes do happen (e.g., "Oh, well. It didn't turn out. Too bad. We'll try it again sometime.");
  • Helping children learn from their mistakes by focusing on what they could do next time to avoid the problem;
  • Encouraging children to turn their mistakes into successes (e.g., change the odd-looking bird picture into a very colorful free-form design).

It is a terrible burden to feel you can never make a mistake. The next time your activity flops just relax and laugh. Realize that you have just changed the goal of the activity from "developing cooking skills" to "helping children cope with failure."

DOCUMENT USE/COPYRIGHT 
National Network for Child Care - NNCC. Part of CYFERNET, the National Extension Service Children Youth and Family Educational Research Network. Permission is granted to reproduce these materials in whole or in part for educational purposes only (not for profit beyond the cost of reproduction) provided that the author and Network receive acknowledgment and this notice is included:

Reprinted with permission from the National Network for Child Care - NNCC. Todd, C. M. (1993). Helping children cope with failure. In Todd, C.M. (Ed.), *School-age connections*, 2(5), pp. 3-4. Urbana-Champaign, IL: University of Illinois Cooperative Extension Service.


FORMAT AVAILABLE:: Internet
DOCUMENT REVIEW:: Level 3 - National Peer Review
DOCUMENT SIZE:: 11K or 4 pages
ENTRY DATE:: February 1996


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 Contribute YOUR Ideas

If you have ideas, comments, letters to share, or questions about particular topics, please email one of the following Coaching Section Editors:

Mike Clark
Robert McGowan
Martin Short

 The Science of Coaching

Talking to Children about Failure
HE-457, June 1990 
(Reviewed and reprinted February 1994)

Deb Gebeke
Family Science Specialist

Most people grow up with the idea that failure is a major problem in their lives. They will go to great lengths to avoid failure. Often this includes avoiding many activities they would truly enjoy just because they are not comfortable with the risks involved. They may need the approval of others to view themselves as successful.

Parental (coach) Reactions
Som etimes children come home from school or extracurricular activities feeling a sense of failure. Children often tend to compare themselves to their peers. Your child may be afraid of your reaction as well.

Negative Reactions
Parents (coaches) may react by using sarcasm or by ridiculing their child. This type of teasing is never appropriate. Children have difficulty sorting out what is meant by teasing and what is a direct attack on them.  Parents (coaches) may also react by becoming angry. When you tell the child, "That's it," or "Never again; you blew it this time," or something even more harsh, it is usually out of anger and frustration. But this will only reinforce the sense of failure in the child.

Statements to Avoid
Some parents (coaches) try to soften the blow and make excuses such as, "It was just a bad day," or "You did well; they just didn't understand." They may even go so far as to blame someone else and deny the failure. This can be confusing to the child. The child is trying to sort out the incident and needs support, guidance and encouragement.

Suggested Statements
Avoid denial and excuses as your first response. If you truly feel a need to "soften the blow," try a hug, a smile and recognition of the child's effort. Try, "I can see that you tried your best, and I'm proud of you," or "Sometimes things don't go very smoothly. I know you will do better next time."

Positive Reactions
To provide the support and encouragement a child needs, you must first understand what the real meaning of the child's experience involves. Failure should be viewed as un avoidable and as a learning experience. Your child may be viewing the failure as letting you down or as proof that he or she will never succeed.  Appropriate questions can be asked to avoid negative reactions and help guide the child toward positive growth. Failure and setbacks are opportunities to learn. Successful people try to evaluate the outcome rather than focus on the win or loss. Ask your child: What happened? What caused this to happen? What can you do differently next time? Follow these questions with more encouragement to try new experiences.

Steps for Success
When your child experiences a failure, assure the child that it's OK to make mistakes. Mistakes are a part of life. Be ready to share some of your mistakes as well. Affirm the child's feelings. Your child feels bad about this and wants to be understood.  The next step is where the encouragement and su pport need to come through. It would be easy to say that it's OK for your child to withdraw or quit. However, quitting at this point will reinforce a child's inability to succeed. Children need to be encouraged to try again. Make trying again a "safe" experience. Wait until the child is ready, but don't wait too long. Break the task down into small goals, and work together to accomplish each goal.

At School
You can "set up" a success by carefully planning the events. For example, a child failing a spelling test may need several simple review sessions "set up" to assure success and build his or her confidence. Ask for help from concerned teachers or counselors if it is a school situation.

At Home
If it's a home-related experience, use the same approach. For example, a teen learning to drive may have a bad experience. Allow time for the child to thi nk it over, and then make a plan together for success. To build confidence, be sure to "set up" a success, such as driving out in the country to avoid major pressures. Always offer encouragement and avoid the "You'll never learn" statements.

Encouragement
Each attempt and small success needs to be followed up with encouragement. "You can be proud of how you handled that." "You did it! Be proud of yourself!&quo t; "You really solved that problem well." These are examples of appropriate encouragement.  Avoid "fixing" your child's problems. Give the child space and time to think about the incident and begin to understand why it happened. Listen without judging. Avoid saying, "I think you should..." Instead, say, "Tell me what happened," or "What could you do differently next time?" Finally, provide another opportunity so on after the incident to begin succeeding so the real growth and learning will follow. Encourage the efforts as well as the successes.

* parenthitical (coaches) added by Page Editor


NDSU Extension Service, North Dakota State University of Agriculture and Applied Science, and U.S. Department of Agriculture cooperating. Sharon D. Anderson, Director, Fargo, North Dakota. Distributed in furtherance of the Acts of Congress of May 8 and June 30, 1914. We offer our programs and facilities to all persons regardless of race, color, national origin, religion, sex, disability, age, Vietnam era veterans status, or sexual orientation; and are an equal opportunity employer.
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North Dakota State University
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